


Faded Memories and Golden Scars

by RoseMeister



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5233073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseMeister/pseuds/RoseMeister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wasteland suits Rose better than she could've expected, and it makes her doubt who she was before. But at least here she doesn't have to lie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faded Memories and Golden Scars

The ring is dull now, still gold, but dirty, hazy like her memories are. It's solid at least, and cold in her fingers, so she can't deny its existence.

Her memories, especially those of, well, him, are so faded now, and inconsistent, and she has so little left to remind her of how things were that her mind is plugged with doubt. Was it all just a weird dream, who knows. Rose certainly doesn't.

She rolls it round in her fingers some more, staring at all the tiny scratches that were never meant to be there, not if everything had gone the way they expected, but, still, sometimes she wonders. Wonders whether she's actually sorry that everything went this way. Not sure, when here everything is strange and dangerous, but she's never needed to hide away parts of her, not like she had to do in the years before.

She hears footsteps behind her, and turns, quick, too suspicious to take chances, but she relaxes as she sees Cait's tousled hair and wild grin.

"I see you couldn't just wait outside for me." Rose remarks.

"Now why would I waste my time with my arse on the ground when I could at least be appreciating yours?" Cait retorts and illustrates her point quite clearly with a pat on Rose's butt.

Rose smirks. "Oh, and what a waste that would have been." She says, and leans over in order to give her a quick kiss, and Cait's grin widens.

Cait gestures to the ring, still in Rose's fingers. "Who'd ya steal that from?"

Rose's smile falters. "My husband." 

God, and it pretty much was theft, the way it turned out. Not why she has it now, but why it ever existed in the first place. He was already dead when she took it, and it's a pretty standard rule here that the dead can't keep possessions, but that wasn't the problem. The ring, marriage, it had all meant so much more to him, and she just got caught up in the flow.

Cait's eyes widen with shock. "Oh shit. Sorry Rose, I didn't think it were so..."

Rose waves her off. "Don't worry about it." She says, and frowns at the ring, at her memories, at her continual inconsistent thoughts. God why could this have been simple, why couldn't her brain just make complete sense for once, instead of jumping and falling over itself, confusing everyone. 

She glances up at Cait, whose eyes are bright and strong, and her lips curve in a way Rose can't stop herself from staring at, from being drawn to again and again, and they are, just like the rest of Cait, so enrapturing, but also confusing, because it puts all her older memories into doubt. Her face grows pained, and she lowers her hand, and sighs as she moves to put the ring back into her pocket.

Cait grabs her wrist and stops her. "Hey, Rose. I can tell that your worried about something, and you've already listened to all my shit, so don't you think I owe you enough to at least try to help you with yours?"

Rose stares at her, but Cait's gaze is focused, and her grip is steady. Not enough to hurt, no, and if she really wanted, she'd wager she could escape from it.

"Fine." Rose states sharply, but pauses briefly, and Cait motions for her to continue. "It's just... God, I've been in the wasteland so long that my memories of all the things from before, well, they just don't feel real anymore, like the more time I spend here, the less likely it is that I ever actually lived before. It's like the wasteland gets into my bones, changes me from the inside out, and, look at me. I'm a goddamn thief with blood on my hands, how could someone like me ever really exist in a world like the one before?"

Rose sighs, but continues. "But I still have this ring, and it's real, I can't deny that, so all of it must've happened, right? And still, it just doesn't feel that way. And now, now I'm not sure how to even think of him. Like, he's gone now, I get that and I can't change it, but I think of before, of everything I did, how I acted and felt, and now I'm not even sure if I ever loved him."

Cait whistles. "Jesus. That's a whole ton of shit."

"Yeah."

"You can feel free to disregard my advice, but if there's one thing the world and people do, it's change. And, maybe back then you had the stuff in you to become who you are now, or maybe you did change, but I think that you had to adapt to this place, what else would've you been otherwise? Just another pre-war relic."

"So I should just try and forget the past completely."

"Kinda. I mean, it's gone now, you can't go back, and you've just gotta accept that you're gonna change from things."

The thought's tempting, to accept the fact that she's always gonna change, and she loves the fact that Cait is bothering to give her advice. She smiles softly. "I appreciate your help Cait. Thanks."

"Anytime. But." Cait pauses, and looks straight into Rose's eyes. "If you ever feel like that with me, you gotta tell me."

"Thanks. But... Uh..." Rose stops, and rubs her neck. "I think we're good. You're kinda the main reason I'm doubting how I felt before. Cos' this, this feels real. And good."

Cait smirks "Ain't you sweet."

Rose smiles, and fiddles with the ring some more. It was like her, changed and dirtied by the wasteland, carried somewhere it never expected, away from what it's original purpose was. It was a ring, a golden symbol for a marriage in tatters, and yet it still lingered on, scarred and dirty and near brutalised by the wasteland until it barely looked like what it was meant to. But now that she thinks about it, that sort of change might not actually be as bad as she had thought it was.

"Here." She says, holding the ring out to Cait. "I want you to have it."

"You proposing to me, Rose?"

Rose blushes, but doesn't back down. "Not yet. But the ring's still yours."

Cait's fingers ghost over hers as she picks it up, her motions gentle but sure. The gold is almost clean compared to her hands, and Cait probably has the upper hand on scars as well. Still, for Rose, the ring is a part of her. Almost a reflection of her soul, her change. And there's no world where she would want anyone else having it.

Cait is silent, and she rubs her thumb over the band, and starts to smile, slow and small, and Rose has never loved being in the wasteland more.

"What're you thinking?" Rose asks her.

"A hundred crude things about you." Cait replies, and squeezes Rose's butt with her free hand.

"I see your still not over my arse."

"What? It's nice."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so tired and gay ignore me.


End file.
